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Post by mothbeast on Feb 9, 2021 8:16:45 GMT
The locker room was still empty, it was still 3 hours before kick off and the MoonShadowz would still be performing their pre game rituals. He looked around at their kit all hung next to their lockers and their boots all arranged on the seats in front of them. He removed the large Jar from under his cloak. “SLAPPYS INSTASLIP SLIME”. This should do the trick. He was carful to not make a mess and applied a thin layer to the bottom of each boot. If he was caught there would be a hefty fine but the DeadSkins had not won a game yet and needed a little moral boost. With the deed done he sealed the jar and left the locker room.
In a closely contested game the difference came down to Go For Its. The Moonshadowz failed every one they attempted and they attempted quite a few.
In the end the DeadSkins took their first win of the season. DeadSkins 2-0 MoonShadowz
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Post by Da Imp on Feb 9, 2021 16:44:02 GMT
Where the fuck do you find these pictures?? It is a skill earned from many, many years of trawling the internet. Much that can not be unseen! (shudder!)
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Post by Da Imp on Feb 9, 2021 16:45:49 GMT
You're secretly a big fan. I know, I've seen the shrine in your bedroom.
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valis
Global Moderator
Posts: 993
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Post by valis on Feb 9, 2021 20:06:04 GMT
You're secretly a big fan. I know, I've seen the shrine in your bedroom. You've been in nobby's bedroom?
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Post by haugster on Feb 9, 2021 22:04:41 GMT
The Short Cut finally managed to keep the elves at bay, helped by wardancers who didn't have their day to such an extent that it didn't matter that we suck at hurting people, though we really, really want to.
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Post by Jakala on Feb 10, 2021 9:04:05 GMT
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selfy
Star Player
Wessex Dork
Posts: 707
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Post by selfy on Feb 11, 2021 21:12:21 GMT
Underworld Sneakers 0-0 Dirty Dozen
Watchtower and I just played out probably the most entertaining 0-0 draw I've ever had the fortune to be part of. It was a ridiculous comedy of errors right from the get-go. Both teams repeatedly tried to give the game to the other, but the dice would not comply. The Sneakers reduced the Dirty Dozen to the Dirty Trio but still couldn't punch the ball home. Hell, they could only pick it up when an incomplete pass went to some random player that had already moved!
Fortune smiled on the Sneakers by allowing Tentacles to work a gazillion times, but laughed as a Gimfag horns blitz through a million tackle zones came up skulls. Gimfag now sits out the next game, but the crazy little fucker ain't dead. Bro'cut also took a stomp to the head, early doors but survived. Every fucking girl on the pitch was round him, but I have no idea why they didn't do it again! They even had a bribe.
Talking of stomps the Sneakers produced some lusty foulage of their own that resulted in multiple take-outs, but the ref was on top of his game and sent several Sneakers to the sin bin. But they were good trades and doubt that the Dirty Dozen can field a dozen women next game!
Cheers Watchtower you cunt!
Oh and the Sneakers were giving away inducements which seemed a bit odd, can't remember that happening before. But the wizard fizzed and popped but ultimately did sweet-fuck-all and let Watchtower down badly!
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Post by penkoon on Feb 11, 2021 21:34:54 GMT
Ghouls Aloud (Penkoon) v Ska Kings Redux (nobby)
The Ska Kings won the coin toss and elected to kick the shit out of Ghouls Aloud. It rapidly turned into a blood bath. As always Nobby managed to induce a stabby star player who caused chaos, but this time he also brought in a mad chainsaw wielding bastard who spent the first half gang-fouling left, right and centre. 8 Ghouls Aloud casualties were sustained including a brutal armour break for fan favourite Barry Wight and a MNG for Ricky Mort-in. Eventually the Ghouls managed to inflict some pain back, killing a couple of Norse and giving Baba Luck a somewhat amusing 8236 stat line, but this came too late in the day to make much difference.
Amidst the bloodshed the Ska Kings scored a touchdown to close the first half then blitzed the second half kick-off and ran in a quick second. Ghouls Aloud clawed back a single score and put pressue on the Ska Kings to at least avoid completely fucking up in the final few turns. This they managed. 2-1 to Nobby at the final whistle.
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Post by penkoon on Feb 11, 2021 21:52:55 GMT
In the SAC I nuffled my way into a concession while the scores were level. I was merrily throwing single die pows and AG3 dodging through tackle zones, while Beefburger was double skulling and failing pickups until eventually his computer went through a window.
Whats the protocol here? Does that count as a win? It feels somewhat hollow!
Sorry about all that Beefy. Hope you get some better dice next time out - they can't really get much worse.
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Post by Da Imp on Feb 11, 2021 22:27:00 GMT
Blackspine Manticores (DaImp) 2-3 Grassgrow Rangers (Booncabal)"Fuck that little Halfling shite!" was all Mistress Pain cared to say after the game as she headed off to console the wives and girlfriends of the 2 dead Dark Elf players - new whip and rope slung over her ice cold shoulder. In a game that looked to be going the Manticores' way early on after turning over Rangers and taking the lead, it all fell apart with an impressive Halfling 1 turn TD. Rangers had fought back to 1-1 with 1 turn to half time, when a Halfling was tossed deep into the Manticores' half. He landed safely and managed to grab the ball from under the feet of the Manticores' thrower (after he failed to pick it up), dodge free and go for it twice to score. From 1-0 down to 2-1 up in just 2 turns and the momentum of the game had shifted. The second half saw both teams manage a score each but it was the Manticores who found themselves getting pummeled, ending the game with 2 dead, 1 missing the next game and 2 more casualties. They did score a late casualty in the last turn of the game but it was far too little, far too late. This is a defeat that puts a big dent in the Manticores title push, with the team down to just 8 players they are going to struggle in the next game. Mistress Pain gives a post game interview
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selfy
Star Player
Wessex Dork
Posts: 707
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Post by selfy on Feb 12, 2021 6:44:15 GMT
P.s the orgasm noises coming from the Amazon bench can be rather off putting!
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Post by overseerlee on Feb 13, 2021 10:21:19 GMT
P.s the orgasm noises coming from the Amazon bench can be rather off putting! I understand there is psycological theory that notes that "off putting" can be based on fear of the unknown and lack of first hand real life frames of reference Selfy... Excellent section in the "true romance" film on this :-)
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selfy
Star Player
Wessex Dork
Posts: 707
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Post by selfy on Feb 13, 2021 16:59:14 GMT
P.s the orgasm noises coming from the Amazon bench can be rather off putting! I understand there is psycological theory that notes that "off putting" can be based on fear of the unknown and lack of first hand real life frames of reference Selfy... Excellent section in the "true romance" film on this :-) I assume you haven't played Amazons yet? Honestly, it's ridiculous. Every single one is doing a Meg Ryan from When Harry met Sally! The missus shouted down asking what the fuck I was up to!
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Post by overseerlee on Feb 13, 2021 22:54:57 GMT
1-0 to the load but the price ...... well it was about 160K actually as the match saw the end of Baron Von Bogey. Sad times, still Lord Mucus has been comanded to take his place so the merch stamps are being changed as we speak. The undead shambled about the pitch mostly pushing each other about in the first half which ended with the only touch down of the match on turn 8.
Second half was actually pretty tense with a rather alone looking goul wishing he hadnt lingered at the back of the pitch waiting for his mates to make a pocket that dindt materialise. Could have been 1-1 in the last moments but the wright tripped on a discarded face mask before being fed to the fans.
Twas fun Selfy i look forward to our next game where the Sewer King in his post match interview has promised the fans "that Fking werewolf will get the T bagging of his life for killing Bogey"
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Watchtower
Experienced
Hi I'm Watchtower and I think elves should be deported
Posts: 116
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Post by Watchtower on Feb 14, 2021 15:36:37 GMT
BASTID AND THE COONTS 2-1 PUBLIC ENEMY NO.1
After a thrilling SAC season for the underdogs, we were inches away from playoffs. It was all to play for between BigCarrick and Watchtower, being friends who went to school together the idea of success was one magnified by our ferocious rivalry.
The match had started and instantly Wilgut had taken the upper hand when facing the elves. Barry & Co. spent most of the Elves' offence drive battering them all (rightly deserved its elves). Forcing the turnover in turn 3 Wilgut had started his drive a lot earlier than anticipated. TD's and Injuries in quick succession made me consider if god was even real or if this world was a cruel joke.
Delirious, fuelled with the dream of watching my school friend whine when I made playoffs, I became reckless, and did not think to play strategically, but instead to completely rely on the dice provided to me as I attempted to turn Wilgut over.
IT WORKED!
Shyntica runs in a perfectly crafted and lucky as tits TD. WATCHTOWER MIGHT DO IT HE MIGHT FUCKING MAKE THE FUCKING CUNTING PLAYOFFS!!!!!
...
I kept trying the same contact play fast and loose and don't even think about strategic bullshit like a cage, screening or the Sicilian defence.
My wardancer is in the middle of the field, within scoring distance. Wilgut was surrounding, swarming like a shark. He sends in a player for a blitz...it's all over I thought my season came to a close because of my change in tactics.
[SKULL] [SKULL]
AN OPENING! Wilgut possessed no rerolls and therefor had to take the skull! it would be hard but there was a chance my Wardancer had to just pass the following rolls.
3+ Leap 2+ Dodge 2+ Go for it 2+ Go for it
Shyntica leaps...fail REROLL PASS!
HE IS RUNNING HE CANNOT BE STOPPED HOLY LORD I AM GOING TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS GOD I LOVE BLOODBOWL I LOVE DICE I LOVE EVERYTHING GOD I COULD JUMP FOR JOY...
FIRST 2+ SUCCESS!
This play was actually going to work...I WAS GOING TO DRAW THE GAME. BIGCARRICK WAS LOSING A DRAW WAS ALL I NEEDED ONE MORE SUCCESS PLEASE GOD....
... FAIL. BigCarrick makes it through on playoffs, go fuck yourself I wish I bullied you when we went to school together.
Thank you Wilgut for the masterclass of the game. You were unlucky to not win by more! Always a pleasure to play you and I hope to do so in the future. Truly a nailbiter.
Cheers,
Watchtower.
P.S I tried my hardest to kill Barry Scott, I merely injured him. I'm sorry I let the Fun League Community down when it needed me most.
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