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Post by penkoon on Jun 1, 2021 21:14:53 GMT
After Nobby slandered the North, claiming the South was "a much better division", H'Elf and Safety felt they needed to make a statement against the South's own Daesh Mortar Pits.
The rats played a tough game, but suffered from turnovers at key moments. Knethj withstood 6 block dice but fell over trying to dodge for the endzone, putting an end to the Mortar Pits' first drive. On their second drive he came closer: after a High Elf fuck up pushed him within range to score he failed the final GFI, despite a reroll. Then a combination of the ref and the sweltering heat which rolled in during the second half left the skaven at a numbers disadvantage which was hard to recover from.
Hard Hat showed why he made the bounty list by generally being a pain the skaven's arses and eventually killing Theable Nibbler. Meanwhile the rest of the H'Elves spread the love around with TDs for Risk Assessment, Traffic Cone (MVP), Hands Face Space and Face Mask.
Final score 4-0 to the North and H'Elf and Safety.
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nobby
Veteran
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Post by nobby on Jun 2, 2021 18:52:00 GMT
It's not slander if it's true. We all know the South is infinitely better than the North which is a cesspit.
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nobby
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Post by nobby on Jun 2, 2021 18:54:19 GMT
G but Watchtower basically, and heroically, endured 8 turns as I stamped and nobby'd his team into oblivion.
I'm a verb now
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Post by nearly on Jun 2, 2021 21:07:02 GMT
Mortician Deadskins 0 - 2 Caimen Excise Dodgers
A nightmare game for the two ghouls who undoubtedly bear responsibility for this result.
Receiving the ball from the post pitch invasion kick off, Digger failed to pick up the ball four times, allowing the lizards to sneak in, grab the ball (first attempt) and score a very early defensive touchdown.
With plenty of time to equalise, the assembled mortuary leftovers pushed down the wing. Relying on a passing wizard to break through the wall of scales, is always a risky strategy and once again the wizard lived down to expectations. This left the drive looking thin and the Sauri were able to sack Geavedig Beckham from between his werewolf minders. A combination of skinks were then able to spirit the ball away to the opposite wing and only a failed hand off prevented a touchdown on the cusp of half time.
The second half saw the lizards make lots of little pushes up the right wing until they were in range for a runner to sprint free and score a turn 12 touchdown.
With the game now out of reach, Gravdig Breakham continued to underperform failing to pick up the ball three times. This left the lizards in to disrupt the Deadskins lines and almost score a third.
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Post by haugster on Jun 2, 2021 21:20:57 GMT
Untidy 2-1 victory for the chorfs against Shiny's elves who was very hit and miss throughout; from missing easy dodging one minute to making a wild oneturner the next. Thankfully I got enough of them off, so we could fend the rest of them off to win it.
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selfy
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Posts: 707
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Post by selfy on Jun 3, 2021 6:59:04 GMT
G but Watchtower basically, and heroically, endured 8 turns as I stamped and nobby'd his team into oblivion.
I'm a verb now I think that's a complement.
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Post by penkoon on Jun 3, 2021 12:21:13 GMT
I'm a verb now I think that's a complement. Definitely a compliment. He could have used a synonym such as "I stamped and cunted his team into oblivion.", but chose to honour Nobby.
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Post by penkoon on Jun 3, 2021 12:34:42 GMT
It's not slander if it's true. We all know the South is infinitely better than the North which is a cesspit. In North v South matchups so far this season, the aggregate score is 4-2 to the North! We've doubled your puny total. This is despite you having the reigning champ on your side (plus the previous season's champ, whoever that was...) while we've got a team in their first OHC season. The Hardest Division in Fun League will not go down quietly!
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Post by Thricedarned on Jun 3, 2021 21:09:17 GMT
Heralds of Change 1 - 2 Mondegreens
Article from The Inevitable Times, the finest publication for news, sports and entertainment in the Chaos Wastes:
The Heralds of Change have returned to Funleague and they started off, to absolutely noone's surprise, by losing their first match against the Mondegreens. The Tzeentch worshippers who apart from the last few seasons since the Great Restart have been part of the league since season 1 are every bit as incompetent and mindlessly violent as before. Perhaps not surprisingly since apart from a couple of new names the entire team consists of players from past incarnations of the team, even ones who were most definitely at som point killed. When asked how this was possible Coach Thricedarned shrugged and said "I just sort of stuck my mitts into the timestream, it feels and smells a little like tepid asparagus soup actually, and pulled out the ones I could grab hold of. It's easy, really. I don't know why other coaches don't just do the same."
One of these previously dead players is Funleague legend and former "deadliest player in the league", Malagant the Merciful who says he was plucked from the exact point where he signed on with the Heralds, meaning that this Malagant has never actually done the things he did in the past, nor will he be able to have done the things he will have done in the past since he has now skipped that entire past. When asked about this the Chaos Warrior replied "Well, yes, the whole time paradox thing may end up collapsing all of reality at some point, but who cares? As for that old me, he was a punk who got himself killed! Me, I'm way better than me! I'm going to show me what a real murdermachine is! Watch me destroy and shred all my accomplishments with ease!"
This matchday, however, Malagant was not able to start his killcount, nor was he able to stop the Mondegreens from scoring a defensive touchdown in the first half after the Heralds' patented "Thin Blue Line" defense once more failed to do bugger all and Lightning Palegoat, the beastman also plucked from the Season 1 Heralds, failed repeatedly to pick up the ball, allowing the lizards to swarm into the backfield and eventually run in the TD. Things would get worse the Mondegreens not long after managed to run in a second TD.
The Heralds did however get some measure of revenge in the second half with Lightning Palegoat running in a late consolation TD, and more importantly the Heralds did start their Kill Kounter for the season when The Mohawk, beastman and part time lead guitar abuser in the Punk Rock band The Screaming Goatfuckers, impaled the Saurus Jason Waterfalls on his steeltipped horns. Said the aforementioned killer after the game "BAAAAAH, you cunts! I've got me a brand new set of lizardskin shorts, me! Come see the after-game concert! There'll be more murder in the moshpit!"
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selfy
Star Player
Wessex Dork
Posts: 707
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Post by selfy on Jun 3, 2021 21:16:27 GMT
A lonely mother gazing out of her window Staring at a son that she just can't touch If at any time he's in a jam she'll be by his side But he doesn't realize he hurts her so much But all the praying just ain't helping at all 'Cause he can't seem to keep his self out of trouble So, he goes out and he makes his money the best way he know how Another body laying cold in the gutter Listen to me
Don't go Jason Waterfalls! Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to I know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all But I think you're moving too fast
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selfy
Star Player
Wessex Dork
Posts: 707
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Post by selfy on Jun 3, 2021 21:21:46 GMT
Last night I wanked-off some Dago Just like I'd never gone, I knew the song A young girl with eyes like the desert It all seems like yesterday, not far away
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nobby
Veteran
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Post by nobby on Jun 4, 2021 17:09:51 GMT
It's not slander if it's true. We all know the South is infinitely better than the North which is a cesspit. In North v South matchups so far this season, the aggregate score is 4-2 to the North! We've doubled your puny total. This is despite you having the reigning champ on your side (plus the previous season's champ, whoever that was...) while we've got a team in their first OHC season. The Hardest Division in Fun League will not go down quietly! One had a massive emergency and had to concede (personally i would reset it) the other is carrick. The hardest division is whatever one I am in, not only do I skew the numbers with injuries, I get everyone a little excited.
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Post by overseerlee on Jun 7, 2021 16:42:26 GMT
Spleens and the Chorfs were fucked. Don't go dragging me into this, Im 90% sure the beating he was getting caused the fan in questions appendix to burst in sympathy for his players.
Besides Penkoon will tell you the actual hardest division is which ever Max Silver is playing in ... failing that its (checks which division im in...) CENTRAL !
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nobby
Veteran
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Post by nobby on Jun 7, 2021 19:00:44 GMT
Wasn't the most violent player of all time in Fun League Brian Thirster of the groupies club?
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Post by Da Imp on Jun 7, 2021 21:04:28 GMT
Blackspine Manticores FL (Da Imp) 4-0 Lancashire Loverats (VALIS) The Manticores got off to a rollicking start by smashing the hapless Loverats all over the park. The game was delayed by a couple of weeks due to the disappearance of team heroin and all-round sexual idol, Mistress Pain. She was eventually found to be lounging on a beach in southern Tillea with several of the Spooners' players, all of them in a state of severe inebriation and matching levels of nakedness. So the game went ahead without her and it was the turn of Finreth the Pale to step up and take center stage. The Dark Elf Blitzer had a stellar game, wiping rats from the pitch and scoring a brace of TDs to help ease the trauma of Mistress Pain's absence.
The Loverats were game, but just could never get their game going. An early fireball smashed apart their attack and resulted in the Manticores turning over the ball to open the scoring. They repeated the trick again before half time, pulling off several audacious moves to steal the ball from under the noses of the Loverats and take a 2-0 lead into the break. Things didn't improve in the second half for the Loverats as the Manticores continued to run riot, adding another 2 TDs to their total for a convincing win.
Even Fun League superstars need a holiday now and then...
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