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Post by Da Imp on Oct 14, 2020 13:11:00 GMT
That's what Mistress Pain said bu then she turned down the troll , the ogre and all the gnoblars, She did go off some where quiet with the treeman tho and later he brushed everyone off "Leaf me alone " he said "I am sapped" No one twigged what he was barking on about tho until she appeared, rooted about in his nether regions and took a bough
She did have a long standing relationship with Morg but since kicking his sorry ass to the curb she has been looking around at other viable replacements. In last night's Cabalvision episode of Play Elf Live, she mentioned the Borelock's Treeman, saying he was "eager to please but every time he got excited he would take root. Ultimately he was too wooden for my tastes."
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selfy
Star Player
Wessex Dork
Posts: 707
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Post by selfy on Oct 14, 2020 23:00:07 GMT
That's what Mistress Pain said bu then she turned down the troll , the ogre and all the gnoblars, She did go off some where quiet with the treeman tho and later he brushed everyone off "Leaf me alone " he said "I am sapped" No one twigged what he was barking on about tho until she appeared, rooted about in his nether regions and took a bough
She did have a long standing relationship with Morg but since kicking his sorry ass to the curb she has been looking around at other viable replacements. In last night's Cabalvision episode of Play Elf Live, she mentioned the Borelock's Treeman, saying he was "eager to please but every time he got excited he would take root. Ultimately he was too wooden for my tastes." A whole new dimension to morning wood!
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selfy
Star Player
Wessex Dork
Posts: 707
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Post by selfy on Oct 22, 2020 7:38:28 GMT
Short Bread Shuriken 2-1 Underbelly Sneakers
First Half: Stuff happens, Shuriken score
Second Half: Stuff happens, Sneakers score
Very End: Ball is thrown to Black Orc. Black Orc catches ball. Black Orc runs in TD in turn 16. Black Orc team wins. Black Orc gets +MA. Black Orc is jammy cunt!
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wilgutspleens
Star Player
I am suffering from prescient nostalgia....the future's not what it used to be
Posts: 864
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Post by wilgutspleens on Oct 22, 2020 9:07:03 GMT
Black Orc is jammy cunt! my favourite kind of cunt
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Post by Da Imp on Oct 22, 2020 20:53:50 GMT
Blackspine Manticores - 2 vs 0 - Short CutThe Dark Elves showed their class with a fine display of Elven grace, finesse, surgical precision and pure bullshittery! The Chaos Dwarves never got a foothold in the game, constantly being harassed by the Manticores and discovering that the ball had an uncanny knack of always bouncing into whatever position was most disadvantageous to them. Plus the referee was clearly a lover of all things pale, Elven and shapely. 2 fouls from the Dwarfs resulted in 2 players sent off. Of course the fact that Mistress Pain was seen leaving the referee's compound in the early hours of the morning is purely coincidental. As is the loving tap on the backside she gave the Goblin referee before kickoff. The Manticores management would also like to categorically deny the malicious rumours that they had the ball enchanted by a wizard from Cathay called Cathy. His visit to the quarters of Mistress Pain was purely for some late night Thaumatological classes the Mistress is undertaking. Cathy from Cathay. Available now.
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Post by sybaris on Oct 25, 2020 16:30:55 GMT
Nurgle's torment finally ended.
Whacked and hacked apart by Spleen's gutters, scored through like swiss cheese gone blue...it ended the way it rode all along: 3-0 for stunties. And to be fair, that's also how things should be. Nurgle is, after all, extremely bad when it starts.
Unable to get a leg ahead and loosing the other to rot, the Carnival of Chaos managed to make everyone laugh at their ineptitude, except their coach. This team could eventually become excellent, obviously, but in 20 matches of watching grass grow.
A good rest is needed. Thanks all for enduring the shitshows of the last few weeks. Perhaps see you in another season.
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Post by Da Imp on Oct 28, 2020 22:00:44 GMT
Blackspine Manticores - 3 vs 1 - Underbelly Sneakers"Any game with two dead Elves is a good game" said someone sometime. So this was a good game. The Manticores suffered brutally at the fickle claws of fate as 2 of their number were killed and one injured in the first half. Three Goblins were also injured and one sent off, but we don't care about that in this report. The half ended 1-0 to the Manticores and despite the injuries they were mostly in control... mostly. A surprise one turn TD at the start of the second half (when kicking at that!) by the Sneakers seemed to light a fire under the (admittedly rather fetching) arses of the Manticores and they took control of the game after that, running in two more TDs come the end of the game. Mistress Pain emerged from the field with a bloodied lip and a wide grin on her otherwise flawless face. When questioned about her facial injury post game she said "They tried to target me and take me out of the game, but that just gets me even more worked up. I do enjoy it when the opposition get well and truly stuck in." A little sacrifice to the Blood God never hurt anyone
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selfy
Star Player
Wessex Dork
Posts: 707
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Post by selfy on Oct 29, 2020 9:00:53 GMT
Underbelly Sneakers went after Miss Tress Pain like a rat up a drain-pipe. Whilst they did manage to bend her over and give her a good fingering on multiple occasions, they weren't quite able to bring her to climax! Surfing her into the crowd was the best that could be offered.
Luckily, going after the rest of the team was much more fruitful. When the dust settled two Elves lay dead and a couple more injured. One elf died from a quite vicious stamp on the sex organ, but the referee took umbrage at it and sent the heroic Gobbo off for some reason!
Although the Sneakers scored an extraordinary defensive one turn score, when Dark Elves are maimed and die in hideous and barbaric ways, the score just doesn't seem important anymore. No, what is important is that they did definitely die!
In more sombre news, Squigguts was brutally tossed aside by a rampant Dark Elf and now barely has the strength of a snotling. His career will now surely go from strength to strength!
Good game Da Imp, was good fun. May the tatters of your team have all the luck in the world now!
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Post by Da Imp on Oct 29, 2020 14:43:36 GMT
Thanks Selfy. A second Witch Elf has now been added to the team to beef up our sex appeal, a lack of which was clearly the cause of the deaths in our game.
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